Academia is, you know, dizzying.

so much opportunity and no
specific idea what to do with it.
I was worrying yesterday then
Dad called. told me about buying pumpkins.
felt a weird homesick tug for new england
foliage and gourds.
stew leonards.
wait, fuck that now I remember:
autumn in high school: so self-aware
it hurts at football games,
who will keep the drugs in their glove compartment?

Things I think about when I'm kissing my boyfriend

the humidity
global warming
coney island closing
being buried alive
aristotle. the apple store in the
danbury fair mall. how many
calories are in a tomato?
sean ryan's car smells like
sour milk.
I hate my job. My mom is dead.
the cost of birth control. hot air
balloons. ap tests.
the haunted mansion at
disney world. watermelon seed
spitting contests.
where do people go when they die
shea stadium
my sister. how much do
stamps cost? Ikea. Chicago. tofu.

I can't sleep. My bones
jut out too much. At 1
am I am still fondling my
ribcage. The cars keep me up and
I'm counting my vertebrae. At 2
the street cleaner comes by. My
tailbone sticks out, a small
protruding nub, the rounded end
of a broomstick.
In the morning I will
stand under the shower I will
operate the faucet I will
wash my hair by touch because
my eyes will have been wiped navy
and black my
ears are ringing.
Is this the morning someone finds me,
warm and wet and naked? I will
wish this over and I will
wish it all over and I will
wish it was all over and I will
run my hands upon and
pinch my bones.